What is leadership? In much of Antiquity and indeed, the Roman Empire where Jesus and his disciples preached, it was not particularly enlightened. Often, it was through the use of tools of intimidation like threat of armed violence and asymmetrical power (those who have it using it on those who don’t). You were considered lucky if the leader of your tribe or kingdom was noble and ruled through respect and love rather than fear.
In Jewish eschatology, the Messiah is the future Jewish king from the Davidic line as foretold in the scrolls of Isaiah. The expectation of Christ or Anointed was that He would also be a great political and military leader who would rebuild the Temple in Jerusalem, overthrow their Roman rulers and establish the Kingdom by conquering the enemies of Israel.
“The first will be last and the last will be first.”
Matthew 20:16
However, when Jesus came, He preached an “upside down world” – a new humanity built on service and sacrifice rather than dominance. That’s not to say that Jesus was militarily weak or did not have the will to fight either. After all, He did say to Pontius Pilate: “Do you think that I cannot appeal to my Father, and he will at once send me more than twelve legions of angels?” What Jesus demonstrated was complete obedience to God’s will.
Why Ephesians 5 matters: How husbands and wives argue/fight is the key to lasting relationships
Often couples show a fundamental disrespect for each other when mild complaints like “You didn’t do the dishes” escalate into a general criticism such as “You don’t do anything for the family.” In a very human interaction, a husband listening to this response can only come back with equally hurtful retorts in “self-defence” and before you know it, the disrespect is rampant, nobody hears the other, and the true grievances go unheard and unresolved while you are stoking the embers of vengeance in your hearts.
This is the “old humanity” that Jesus calls us to leave behind, the old humanity that was dependent on power, meanness and violence (physical or verbal).
How the Gospels portrayed Jesus is mirrored in St. Paul’s letter to the Ephesians
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
Ephesians 5:25
Male figures in the family have a high calling. All men are called to be leaders in their homes. It begins with St. Paul’s exhortation: “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”
The husband’s call to be Jesus at Home
In John 13:1–5, we see Jesus laying aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tying it around his waist, He then poured water into a basin and began washing the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him. Even as He died on the cross, Jesus forgave the people who killed Him. In essence, the epitome of servant leadership.
In Ephesians, St. Paul has a conviction that how we usually behave and treat each other is superficial and he believes that true conversion comes from our new identity in Christ and it is from this well-spring of Christ-in-us that we as husbands must behave. In His time on earth, Jesus often used Jewish marriage customs as a beautiful allegory of God’s relationship with the church and this is how husbands must be to their wives.
Though it is never tacitly discussed, the Sacrament of Marriage, a lasting commitment between a man and a woman to a lifelong partnership, is on the level of the priesthood. In that sense, in the persona of Christ, husbands are to be of service to their wives and all the sacrifices that come with it (think Jesus turning His cheek – Matthew 5). This, however, should not to be mistaken for passivity but rather the acknowledgement that God will handle it.
In Scripture, we find many examples of what Jesus would do when someone wrongs Him. In John 18, Jesus is struck in the face by an official of the high priest. His response was to question why he was struck in the face. He asked the official to tell him what he said that was an untruth.
John 19:3 shows that Jesus was struck in the face again when he was sentenced to be crucified. Looking far back into the Old Testament, we see David sparing Saul’s life again and again because 1 Samuel 26:9-11 tells us that David left the punishment of Saul to the Lord. Whether it is Jesus or David, the protagonists or antagonists in their lives are there by Divine Providence and thus, obedience to God (even unto death on the cross) and trusting God’s sovereignty over all aspects of your life, is the quintessence of Christianity.
“If you fight with your wife and win, what have you really won?”
Donnie Yen to the author during an interview
It is in biblical marriage that your old selfish self dies on the cross and husbands become mirrors of our Lord and Saviour. And what did Jesus say about the cross? “let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” (Matthew 16:26)
